Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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