She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
