i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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