It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he thought i was a dude.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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