i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
