i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
