Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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