The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Randomize
