Soap is not a condiment
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
