I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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