i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I fill condoms, not promises.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
