I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
