finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
