so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
