for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just forgot I was standing up.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
