The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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