I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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