I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
