I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
