You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
