Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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