My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
