he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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