Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
