Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
