I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
