I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
