i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
