Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
