I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
