Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
