i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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