A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
