I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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