The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
