I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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