Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
sex in a hospital.. check
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
