Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
