The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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