Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
