I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
