I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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