I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
