Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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