you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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