i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
