I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
