i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
