May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
