I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Randomize
