There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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