He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
