Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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