theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
It's just like the Real World with babies
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
