I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
