Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
