I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Did I show you my penis last night?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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