I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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