counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
