Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
