Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
